Vala and the elusive teachings of Jane
by Blackfan81
Summary: Vala, self help books and Daniel's credit card. What could possibly be wrong with that?


**Vala and the elusive teachings of Jane**

There was a knock on his door. Daniel lifted his head from the text he was currently trying to translate. "Come in" The door opened, Vala popped her head in, whispering in her mischievous voice, "Daniel, can I come in?" Without waiting for an answer, she entered and closed the door behind her. Daniel could hear from the tone of her voice that she was bored and had therefore sought him up to become less, bored. _As usual_. The group hadn't been off world in almost two weeks now and Vala usually started to get antsy after two days. It was not a good combination. He'd already sent her away, he couldn't even remember how many times already, hoping that she would be pestering Cam, Sam and Teal´c instead. Apparently she was back to him again. Frankly though, he had grown rather accustomed to her antics, or rather, he knew enough how to survive them._ I must be a sucker for self punishment_. It was not so much that he didn't prefer her to be elsewhere, rather than that he preferred her not to be here, now. He really needed to get this translation done. Having both General Landry and the I.O.A. hovering didn't distract him much as nearly as Vala did. Never having really thought too much about what sort of distraction he was feeling made things even more unnerving whenever she appeared in stressful situations.

Daniel let down his pen and looked up, slightly frustrated.

"What is it now Vala?"

She sat down in the chair facing his on the opposite side of the desk. He could almost not see her on account of the stacks of books piled on his desk and felt obliged to remove some of them. She gave him a wide smile.

"I have, finally, per your suggestion, begun to emerge myself into Earth's culture."

Daniel looked at her. Exactly what was she referring too this time? Last time it had been clothes, or rather using his credit card to buy clothes. The time before that it had been E-bay, also using his credit card. It didn't really matter where he tried to hide it, Vala had a knack of finding things when she was determined and applied herself. _I just wish she could channel her energy on something else._ _On someone else_. Daniel shook off the brief mental image his thoughts conjured up and buried it deep. _Mental note, try not to think too much on the workings of Vala Mal Doran_.

"General Landry was too kind in having Walter procuring several books for me. Books to teach me the finer things of this fair planet. Although I do find the number of species actually cohabiting here fascinating, the politics of this world is worse than the politics of the Lucian alliance. It gave me a headache." She frowned.

_Oh please, kill me now_. Daniel realised there was no rushing her. That would take her even further away from any point she might be having with her visit. He decided to be helpful instead of just ushering her out of the office.

"So you're here to loan some of my books? I've some very interesting texts on Mesopotamian culture, ancient Egypt or perhaps you'd like something a bit more recent?! There's a very thrilling description on a possible alien interference during the Punic wars somewhere here" He started to look around. "…or perhaps..."

Vala looked quite horrified and said dismissively as she interrupted him "No, thank you Daniel, I already acquired several other books on my shopping trip with Sam last week. I was particularly fond of what you call self-help-books."

It was Daniels turn to look horrified. _This can't be good_.

"I have some questions though."

"Yes?"

"I really like the ones that tell you how to get money."

"Why I'm I not surprised?!"

"You have money?" Vala looked interestingly at him. He started to feel slightly more uncomfortable. _Where did I put my credit card_? _Is she finally going to rob me blind_?

"Uhm…yes… some. Less now since you used up a great deal of it buying new clothes."

Vala's face lite up. "Yes thank you Daniel. I really liked those. Did you see the skirt I bought? The one with the…" She made some movements with her hands as to illustrate the pattern on the fabric of the skirt. Yes, he'd seen the skirt. _Do not think of said skirt_. He started to feel more unnerved.

"Moving on."

"Yes. Money. How would you categorise _some money_?"

What was this obsessive interest in his money? Hadn't she already quite a full grasp on how much he was worth after having used his credit card on numerous occasions? She'd even called a company and ordered a card of her own claiming she was his wife! Thank god he had found it before she'd used it. There was no telling how much debt she would have collected.

"Would you call it a fortune?"

"No."

"But how much is a fortune in Earth money?"

"It depends on where on the planet you are. There's more than one currency."

"Ah. I see. So, in the currency of dollars, like your credit card?"

"I don't have a fortune regardless of currency. The military is not known for its hefty wages."

"Hrm." Vala looked thoughtful. "And you are unmarried." It was more of a statement than a question. He did not like the way this was heading. _What the hell is she after_?

"Could you get a fortune?"

"Not with this job."

"Do you know anyone on base in possession of a fortune? That is also single?"

Vala looked hopefully at him. _So you could clean them out too_? _I don't think so_.

"Why all these questions, Vala?"

"I read that," she cited "it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife, or at least someone to spend his money."

It took a few seconds before he could remember what, or rather who, she was citing. The first part of the sentence that was, the latter part was all Vala.

"That is not a self-help book. That's Jane Austin. The book you're citing belongs to this planets literary heritage. You didn't read the whole book, did you?!"

"Uhm, no. Just the first few pages and the last ones. It was rather boring, Daniel. Books should be experienced, not read. With nice pictures and colors."

"You've got the attention span of a five year old."

"There is no need to be rude. I take notice of the things worth taking note of."

"Such as money?"

"Yes. Money. She got the money. The woman in the book. The other self-help books from the same author all ended in the same way. The woman got the money, and a man. I could do without having to get married, again, but the money Daniel…."

"For the second time. They're not self-help books Vala, but imaginary stories about a time in our history that has passed."

"They are lies? No, that cannot be. She was very specific, in the things that I did read. He was wrong."

"Who?"

"The man in the book. He was wrong and the woman was right. My kind of woman, or man, since I am a woman, and not a man."

_You don't need to tell me that. _

"What is it you need from me?" Daniel looked her, but regretted the question as soon as it came out. _I am just begging to be misunderstood_. Vala took her time before she answered.

"How did they get the money?"

"Vala, I haven't read a Jane Austin novel since I was in school, and not even then, when reading them was mandatory, can I say that I paid much attention to the content."

"But you know everything, almost"

"Apparently not everything."

"You're not helpful Daniel."

"Well, I could've told you that before you sat down, had you just asked me if I'd read any of her books."

Vala got up. "General Landry is older than you. He should have more money, do you not think so?"

"You're seriously not going to Landry with this Vala. He'll have you locked up if you ever so much as insinuate an interest in where he keeps his credit cards."

"You think he has more than one?!"

"Vala!"

"All right. I think I need to revisit this plan."

"Good idea. Now, if you will" he looked at the door, "I really need to get this work done."

"Oh. Yes. I am sorry Daniel for disturbing you. By the way. I thought you might want this back."

Daniel looked as she took a small piece of plastic from one of her pockets and handed him his credit card. He took the card but didn't say anything. Vala headed for the door, but stopped in the doorway and cast him a glance over her shoulder.

"I suppose", she said, "I will have to make do with you Daniel," smilingly she added, "and your money."

Daniel continued to look at her silently, still unnerved. _I am not only going to die, again, still being laughed at by the entire archaeological community, I am going to die, again, poor, having her laugh at my grave for steeling all my money_. It was useless. Next on the agenda was to find a pair of scissors and cut the dammed thing in a million pieces.


End file.
